Be human
by DemonButtercup
Summary: In the midst of battle Goku lets go, and Sanzo realizes whats been in front of him the whole time. Warning: slash.


Be Human-

A Saiyuki one-shot

Disclaimer: Saiyuki and it's characters belong to the genius that is Kazuya Minekura. I own none of it! Except my own Tama and Leiko…who are lame.

Warnings: Slash (of the 39 variety), a bit of swearing and some violence. Oh, and fluff. If you hate that sort of thing between guys or you don't know what slash/shonen ai is…hit the back button.

I should mention, this is my first Saiyuki fic, so if it seems undeniably terrible…that's my fault. Also, I've only read the manga, so if the characters seem OOC, that's my fault too.

A/N: I should also mention that this fic is probably supposed to take place somewhere around the time of Saiyuki Reload. No major spoilers though. C&C are very much appreciated!

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As much as he hated to admit it, it hurt to see Goku injured. And only one thing hurt even more, seeing Goku torn away from him. But Son Goku didn't stand before Genjyo Sanzo now, Seiten Taisei did.

Sanzo had watched Goku disappear.

And the saru had watched the priest fall to the ground before him, struck across the back by the claws of a formidable youkai leader. The easily defeated demon underlings lay sprawled across the ground, bloody and cast in unnatural positions. Still, Goku stood among them, and he instantly paled. Sanzo watched as the youth slowly knelt and looked into the fallen priest's eyes.

"Please…" Goku whispered hopelessly. Or at least Sanzo thought that was what was said. He could hear nothing over the blood pumping frantically in his ears. The bright amber eyes darkened and became shiny with a film of tears. Sanzo wanted to look away from those imploring eyes. Anything but the eyes.

"Get away" Sanzo growled into the gravel.

"What?" Goku gasped, stricken. The warning had not been meant for Goku, but for his companions standing behind the monkey. Hakkai and Gojyo. Hakkai, ever observant, understood immediately. He quietly came forward and gently took Goku by his right arm. Gojyo quickly followed and grabbed Goku by the other arm. The youkai leader stood to Sanzo's left seemingly forgotten for the moment. He fussed over a bullet wound in his shoulder, and looked on, far too amused by the boy's behavior. Maybe this would be easier than he thought?

Realization dawned on Goku's face as he looked back frantically at Sanzo. All his eyes could see were his sun, injured. And the demon looming over him, ready to attack.

"No..." he cried, and shook his head once. Twice.

"No!" he screamed and eye contact was broken. Sanzo had not been aware of the gash above his eyebrow. Not until now anyway, as blood seeped into his eye. He closed his eyes against the world turned red. Fighting fatigue, he pulled himself up with his arms, wounds screaming in protest. He rubbed at his eyes and his had reached instinctively for his sutra. Good, still intact.

When he looked up he saw Goku had finally stopped struggling. But something was wrong. The gold in his eyes blinked out like a light, and Sanzo knew what was happening before the battered diadem shattered. He watched as Son Goku was pulled into the darkness and another, more vicious presence took his place. _Not again, _Sanzo said silently. Goku would have heard him, if only he were there.

The eyes are indeed the windows to the soul, considerably so in Goku's case. But the shutters had been brought down, and the normally warm eyes were now closed off. Those of a killer, not Goku. Hakkai and Gojyo lost their grip on the boy the moment he fell to his knees. They instinctively took a step back when Goku howled. His clutched at his head as a shudder ran up his spine and into his brain. He shook his head and pressed his nails into his skull, intent on getting whatever it was the hell out of there.

"Shit." Gojyo said quietly. "Not again."

"Stay back." Hakkai warned him. The howl became a blood-curdling scream as the fingers buried in brown hair became clawed and his short hair became a feral mane. His ears stretched out into those a youkai. The screaming stopped and Goku's head drooped, hair covering his face.

Sanzo shifted once, too shocked to do otherwise. Having never witnessed the transformation before, all he could do was stare. It seemed Goku would never cease to amaze him, and not always in a good way. This had happened twice before on their journey to the west already, and even though he had never actually seen it, it was always his fault.

Goku's head raised and he took in his surroundings. His pupils were slits, like the eyes of a wild cat or something far worse. This was not Sanzo's charge, this creature knew no compassion or sympathy.

"Goku…" was all Sanzo managed before he was once again grounded by blood loss. Though a screen of white robes, the black haired youkai leader was revealed to Seiten Taisei.

"What the hell is that?" the youkai asked nobody in particular. Before he knew what was happening, he was being pinned to the ground by the impossibly strong earth spirit. The young demon smirked, an ecstatic grin painting his features. His amber eyes gleamed, glittering with mirth and bloodlust. One long nailed hand reached down and grasped at the other demon's throat. The youkai choked beneath him, and pushed hopelessly at Seiten Taisei's shoulders. He dug his heels into the ground; it was like having an unmoving rock on top of him. A very violent, growling rock at that. He squeezed his eyes shut, dimly aware of the coppery taste of blood bubbling up past his lips. He grasped the skinny wrists at his throat, but it was hopeless.

On the other side of the clearing Hakkai and Gojyo stood stunned. Wordless and unable to move until Gojyo's hand blindly found Hakkai's arm. The contact shook Hakkai from his reverie. "Gojyo. Sanzo…" Hakkai started, but was not sure how finish. "Huh?" Gojyo replied weakly, eyes transfixed on the scene that transpired before them. Hakkai shook out of Gojyo's grip and turned to the red head, pinning him with his emerald gaze. "Listen Gojyo." He started, as calmly as he could. "We have to move Sanzo from this place, get him away. He's injured, and Goku will not be occupied with that youkai for long. Think about it, when he's finished, he'll come after us." Realization swept across Gojyo's face. "Okay. Let's get priesty out of here." Hakkai smiled, but before either of them could make their move, another presence made it's self known in the clearing.

"Tama!" All eyes were diverted to the owner of that voice. A female youkai appeared at the edge of the trees, coming from the direction of the road. There was a knife in her shaking hand and her preternatural purple and blonde hair swept over her shoulders. Her eyes widened and her expression was that of terror as she surveyed her fallen companion being attacked by another youkai. And how could she miss the unconscious Sanzo priest? "Tama..." she called again. The black haired youkai looked past Goku and at his companion. "Leiko! Don't worry 'bout me. Just get the sutra!" Tama pushed at Goku again, who playfully pushed back, laughing.

Leiko hesitated, torn between her duty and helping her leader. "Right!" he finally replied, although she seemed more concerned with Tama. She dashed across the clearing towards Sanzo's fallen form. "Stop!" Hakkai shouted at her, running at her, the collision causing her to fall to the ground. She shrieked a wordless cry, and pushed the bangs from her eyes. "But we need that sutra! Just give it to us, and you'll be left alone" she argued. "Heh. You wish." Gojyo interjected from his place behind Hakkai. "Keep an eye on her, Gojyo?" Hakkai asked. His answer was a solemn nod from the half-breed.

Hakkai used the diversion to pull Sanzo further away to the opposite side of the clearing, away from the fight.

A blood curdling scream shattered Hakkai's concentration as Tama's arm was twisted into an unnatural position. Skin was torn and blood was spilt. Seiten Taisei looked down quietly at his pray. Seemingly bored with the youkai. All the fight left Tama's body as he resigned himself to his fate. The kid was just _too_ damn strong. His hands dropped down, exhausted, to his sides. _Giving up so soon? _Seiten Taisei frowned and stood up, disappointed. Inside, Goku screamed. As Tama lay in an increasing pool of blood, Leiko pulled away from Gojyo and rushed to Tama's side. "Don't die on me…" she begged. "Too late for that. Don't forget the sutra..Leiko." He replied, broken. Leiko touched his cold fingers softly. His eyes had been glazed for a while, already, so she passed her hand over them now.

She turned, shocked and cold, to Seiten Taisei. He stared ahead aimlessly until his gaze found Hakkai as he concentrated his Kikou Jutsu on healing Sanzo's wounds. The blond one shone, it was almost blinding. Somehow, through his tangled thoughts of blood and carnage, Seiten Taisei was aware of how familiar he was. Painfully so._ I know this one. Did I do this? No. _Confusion settled in. _The purple haired one. The demon and the other one. The black haired one… _

Seiten Taisei was blind to Gojyo who stood close by, shakujou in hand. He knew attacking Goku at this point would be pointless. The kid was so fast now; none of them has seen him move when he attacked Tama. However, Leiko, not knowing of Seiten Taisei's nature foolishly stepped into his field of vision.

"I'm under orders from Lady Gyokumen Koushu to retrieve the sutra from priest Genjyo Sanzo. You're a youkai too, why do you side with the humans?" she asked bravely. Goku turned round and stared at Sanzo lying on the ground. _Sanzo? _Why was he so familiar? Seiten Taisei rolled the name round on his tongue, but having not spoken for centuries, he was unable to make the word, so he swallowed it back down. The priest was slowly regaining consciousness. He saw the sun's blood and Hakkai's glowing hands. _The sun…she did this. _Seiten Taisei smiled wickedly. His fangs slid over his bottom lip and his eyes glittered excitedly once more. He turned back to the female youkai, and seemingly without moving, his hand moved across Leiko's face and she fell to the ground instantly.

"Shit!" Gojyo spat. He casually reached out and pulled hard on Goku's long hair. In doing so, he successfully pulled the youth away from Leiko, who was slowly regaining her footing. She brought a shaky hand up to rub at the drop of blood at the side of her mouth and under her nose. With a growl of anger, the golden eyed demon turned on Gojyo, who barely managed to fend of the earth spirit's punch with his weapon. "Hakkai! Hurry up!" He yelled to his friend.

When Sanzo first cracked his eyes open the first thing he saw was Hakkai looking down on him through an emerald haze. He was next aware of the taste of blood in his mouth and a dull ache through his limbs.

"Sanzo, are you awake?" Hakkai inquired. The quiver in his voice did not go unnoticed as Sanzo forced himself into a sitting position."Looks like it" the priest mumbled coldly. Again he checked the scriptures at his shoulders. Hakkai looked down at his lap, not sure how to begin. "Sanzo, Goku has-"

"Don't remind me." Of course he remembered what had happened. How could he forget? He imagined the image of the boy's transformation would haunt him for a very long time to come. He was not wrong. Still, he could guess what his next job would be…

"Don't tell me woke me up for this." He stated incredulously. Hakkai shifted his position slightly, hoping to shield Goku from Sanzo for the time being. Unfortunately he could do nothing for the shouting and growling which came at regular intervals.

"I'm sorry Sanzo. But we need you, you know this. Goku needs you. You're the only one who can do this; there is no other who can restrain him. Only you." Sanzo noted the sound of desperation in Hakkai's voice. _What have you got yourself into now, monkey?_

"That stupid monkey! He never thinks about what he does! And when he messes up, it's me who has to clean up after him." Sanzo sulked.

"Please Sanzo, don't be angry at Goku. You know why this happens, its because he panics when he sees you hurt. He only wants to protect you."

"Tch." Sanzo knew what needed to be done, and Hakkai knew this was the closest Sanzo would get to agreeing with him.

With a triumphant grin, Hakkai hauled Sanzo to his feet. Sanzo passed his hand across his eyes and was not at all surprised at what he saw. There was the black haired youkai who had slashed him across the back, lying in a puddle of his own blood. Lying among his minions, now he was just another one of the faceless hundreds that the Sanzo-ikkou had destroyed. _Got what you deserved, bastard._ And there was the one he had been looking for. His charge. The boy who was no longer Goku seemed to be having only a slight bit of trouble fending off Gojyo and another youkai armed with a dagger. Who the hell was she? Sanzo instinctively pulled his gun from his sleeve, even though he knew he probably wouldn't have to use it. He figured his best chance would be to somehow get Goku off guard, which might not be so difficult, as he was already fighting two opponents. If he missed his chance, they would only have a bigger blood bath on their hands. As for the purple haired youkai, she could wait. She was of no importance.

The priest made his way towards Goku as the brown haired demon dodged Gojyo's blade and threw a punch at Leiko when she struck out at him.

"You stupid …monkey!" Gojyo cursed as Goku suddenly appeared next to him and aimed a well-placed kick in his side. Gojyo doubled over, hand going to his side which prompted Goku to launch another attack. Just at that moment Leiko looked up and noticed Sanzo approaching. "The sutra!" she screamed like a mad thing. And with her blood-covered face and wild eyes, she did look insane. With a war cry Gojyo pushed at Goku with all his might, sending him off balance. With his other hand he sent the shakujou forth, stopping Leiko in her tracks. Gojyo stepped back on instinct and Goku stood still gazing at the blood. Sanzo took the opportunity in the confusion to reach out and grab Goku by the neck. With a rough yank he wrestled the demon to the ground, launching a few punches into the youth's face to discourage any escape attempts. Seiten Taisei howled and without wasting anymore time Sanzo pushed Goku's head into the ground, one hand covered Goku's eyes and forehead. Goku released another ill-tempered scream, his hands beating blindly at Sanzo. Long nails grazed blond strands of hair and scratched at his cheeks.

"Stop it…" Sanzo whispered down at him. He grasped at one of Goku's wrists and forced it down to the ground, forcing the boy back. He chanted quickly and feverishly under his breath, fearful that he could lose his concentration at any second. The boy beneath him wasn't helping at all, his free arm reaching out to swipe at anything and everything that got in its way. The chant came quickly, like a second language and within moments the scriptures rose and wrapped around Goku's free limbs, holding him down effectively. Goku froze immediately, and the growling ceased. His hair gleamed dimly before the bronze of the diadem appeared and closed back around Goku's head. It melted back into its previous shape, fitting beneath his hair, hiding the limiter from view.

Seiten Taisei screeched in anger as he was pulled back into the darkness, deprived of the sun. Gojyo and Hakkai watched quietly over Sanzo's shoulders at Goku's ears shrank back to their human shape and his hair rapidly shortened. He flailed weakly and cried out, as his consciousness became his own once more.

When Sanzo removed his hand from Goku's forehead, the scriptures immediately returned back and wrapped around his shoulders again, as though nothing had happened. Dim eyes started out of the bloodied face, eyes the colour of an arid desert. All thoughts of wildness had been banished from them eyes. For a split second Sanzo was sure he saw recognition in them, but before he could look once more, the eyes slid shut as Goku submitted to the darkness.

"Tch. Stupid monkey." Sanzo commented quietly, though the words held no threat. Gojyo looked back at Hakkai. "Maybe we should go get Jeep set up?" He asked with a faint smile, out of breath.

Hakkai smiled a serene but exhausted smile back. "Good idea. Hakuryu!" Hakkai called out to his pet dragon. Hakuryu flew down from the branches of a near by tree, where he had hidden during the battle. He landed on Hakkai's shoulder with a happy little 'cheep' and nuzzled his neck. They left the clearing, avoiding the corpses of the other youkai and made for the nearby road.

Sanzo lifted Goku's head gently, as not to awaken the young man. Though there was not much chance of that happening, the youth normally slept like the dead. He lifted the boy into a sitting position, wiping absently at the blood on his cheeks and nose with the sleeve of his robe. He felt genuinely bad for punching the monkey in the face, now he could see what he'd done firsthand. Still, once they found an inn or somewhere to stay, he would make sure Goku would be healed. The limp boy sagged against the priest's chest, head falling onto Sanzo's shoulder. The contact was not nearly as bad as Sanzo would have guessed, and despite himself he found his arm snaking round the boy's back to hold him protectively. _Get over it. _Sanzo mentally chided himself.

He placed his free hand under Goku's knees and slowly lifted him up. Sanzo had not fully healed from Tama's attack. His flesh wounds had been healed, true, but inside he was exhausted, muscles aching and legs weak. But he would still rather carry Goku to the jeep himself anyway. Once he had a good hold on the youth, he stood, barely able to hold the boy up in his current position. Making his way towards the concealed road, he turned to survey the carnage wrought in the clearing. The place was littered with the bodies of their youkai enemies. And to think it was all by the hand of the boy resting in his arms. Sanzo smirked at that particular thought.

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Vestiges of what Goku was not sure was a dream of a memory hung above his head like a rain cloud. He let himself be slowly pulled back to reality, still aware of forgotten emotions and fragments of images that swam like ink in water. He remembered these feelings from a time before his stone prison. Before he was who he was now. He remembered…wanting to protect something so desperately yet being unaware of what that thing was. And then there were the images. The flashes of whatever it was he saw suggested great calamity and bloodshed.

Goku had seen the man in purple before too, always before his transformation. And here he was again, haunting him once more. The man was so familiar, so like Sanzo, and yet…that was not quiet right. Because it was definitely_ not _Sanzo. For Goku to be able to remember this man so vividly, he could only conclude he was of some importance to him. Was this angelic blond the point from which all these strange feelings stemmed? Protectiveness, fear, adoration and love. Much like how he felt for Sanzo now.

His eyes flew open. _This man is the sun._

"Your awake then." Said a quiet but very familiar voice. Goku turned his head to see a very tired looking Sanzo sitting next to his bed_….bed? _Goku took in his surroundings with caution. He had been tucked up in a comfy bed in what looked very much like the room of an inn. Outside his window the setting sun suggested he's been unconscious for quite a while.

In Sanzo's lap was today's newspaper and on top of that…the dreaded harisen. Uh-oh. He was in trouble. Sanzo didn't look too happy at all.

"Um…so how're you feelin' Sanzo?" Goku asked nervously. "I've been better." The priest snapped. "I'd be a lot better if some idiot monkey could learn to control his emotions in battle!" Sanzo shouted. With that he rose up, newspaper spilling to the floor and down came the paper fan on Goku's already aching head.

"Ouch! Sanzo! I couldn't help it! I just saw you get hurt and I panicked!" Goku babbled eager to explain his actions. Sanzo was already aware of the reasons why, but that didn't stop him from hitting Goku anyway. Seemingly satisfied with what he heard, he sat back down with a 'hmph', while Goku scrambled up in his bed, rubbing his poor head. Of course, the paper fan did not hurt in the slightest, but they had both become so used to this little parody that Goku's reaction came naturally now.

"Did Hakkai heal you?" Goku asked quietly after nursing his head.

"Yeah." Sanzo replied shortly, staring out the window. "Good." Sanzo narrowed his eyes. "And you've been here all this time?" Goku inquired bravely, climbing on top of his covers to gaze into the twin storms that were Sanzo's eyes. Sanzo made a noncommittal noise and shrugged. Goku took that as a yes. "Sorry Sanzo, I didn't mean to worry you. Really." Goku said softly, legs now dangling over the edge if the bed. Sanzo shrugged. "I wasn't worried." He replied simply, although his eyes sought out anything but the young man before him. He was certain Goku could see through that particular lie. "Heh, whatever." The saru said with a smile.

Sanzo looked at Goku then. Really looked at him. This was not the boy he had left Chang'An with, yet Sanzo was sure he was still in there somewhere. He was growing but still looked too young, which was cruel considering all that he had been through already in his life already. That particular thought was cut off as Goku suddenly launched himself at the priest and Sanzo was alarmed to find himself with an armful of snuggling monkey. Goku's arms wrapped securely round his waist, head buried in his shoulder. He held on tightly as if he'd lose him otherwise. Sanzo could feel his cheeks burning and guessed that he must have been the colour of a beetroot right about then. _What're you playing at saru?_ Sanzo's hands reached down to Goku's shoulders, intent on pushing him away, but something made him stop. Was he really planning on pushing Goku away, as usual? Was he planning on hitting him again? His inner argument ended abruptly, when instead of pushing the youth away, he hesitantly patted him on the shoulder. Still, Sanzo was officially confused. Maybe the monkey was suffering from a bump on the head?

The fight had brought it home to Goku that he could lose Sanzo at any moment. And after the strange images he had been inflicted with, he had worried even more. Whatever he had had in the past, he had wanted to protect it so badly…and yet he had still ended up losing it. He didn't want that to happen again. Losing something that special would have been painful; maybe it was a blessing that he couldn't remember what it was? He knew that should it happen to him again, it would tear him apart. There was only one thing he held that close anyway. _I can't lose the sun. _And hadn't Goku said he wouldn't let Sanzo die before him?

"You don't have to say it." Goku presently mumbled against Sanzo's shoulder.

"Say what?" Sanzo said with a stubborn tone. Since when had he taken orders from the saru? Goku looked up then, defiant. "That you were worried." He knew he'd get the fan for that. Or worse. Sanzo's brow creased and he shrugged the youth off.

"What the hell? What the hell are you talking about?" Sanzo started, genuinely confused and bewildered. Goku made a grab for Sanzo's wrist as he took a step back.

"It's ok to be human." Goku said quickly, before Sanzo could walk away again. At that moment Sanzo was made painfully aware of what Goku meant. Although he had a hard time admitting it even to himself. He was scared of how well the monkey seemed to know him. _So, I really am weak. _He couldn't be blamed for refusing to let others get close could he? He knew how it felt when they left. There were moments on their journey west that he wondered if he had let Goku get to close already. Now he was surer than ever. He couldn't imagine a life without Goku, just as Goku couldn't imagine one without him.

Despite the fact that Sanzo would happily blow Goku and Gojyo's head off when they argued over the most trivial of things (like who would get the last meatball), he would also, just as quickly, tear the throat out of anyone who hurt his saru. When he was at his weakest, he wanted to do nothing more than pull the boy to him and make him promise never to leave. Of course, he'd never ever do such a thing, so he'd normally resort to sitting sulkily alone with a cigarette. And it was this which scared him the most.

At a loss of words, Sanzo kept quiet. What else could he do, when the youth had addressed the part of himself that he denied? He didn't speak but his muscles tensed as Goku stepped forward and wrapped his arms around the priest once more. Nor did he speak when he finally forced himself to relax just a little and return the embrace. And now Goku had so casually torn down the walls Sanzo had set against him and all others. All there was to look forward to was hurt, when he finally lost him.

_What about happiness? _Whether Goku had spoken out loud or in the priest's mind, Sanzo was unsure. He shuddered despite himself, and in response Goku reached up and carded a hand through Sanzo's soft hair. The priest lowered his head, seemingly into the touch. Instead of continuing, Goku's hand found Sanzo's shoulder and he placed as hesitant kiss on Sanzo's cheek. He was surprised when he didn't receive a punch in return, but smiled reassuringly when he noticed the look of shock on Sanzo's pale face. The monkey did not receive a smile in return either, but he couldn't expect everything could he? Still, he was not rejected when he sought the priest's embrace once more.

The sun finally set on the horizon, throwing the world into darkness. Goku was content for the very first time, and Sanzo was terrified. But he was only human.

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End file.
